Dear Annie:

Dear Annie: Really confused on what to do right now. I have to figure out and make the biggest decision I've ever made. thanks - really confused

Dear Really Confused:

Look deep inside your heart and use every bit of your mind.

Big decisions are to be made in your life.

Talk to friends and family members, listen to everyone carefully.

Write out the pros and the cons for everything and weigh them honestly.

Take the time and listen to others, many others … several others.

It's your life, your decision.

Ask people who have "been there" and "did that."

Seek advice from those who have lived at least twice your life.

There is a reason for the saying, wise old owls.

No one wants you to fail.

Learn to pray, even attend a Church service.

Ultimately, it's your choice and you will have to live with it.

Not only today, tomorrow, but the years ahead.

Good luck. I will be praying for you.

~Annie

The Big C

Closing my eyes, I lifted my face into the warmth of the sun. The salty wind rushed over my bare skin. Skin covered only by my favorite two piece suit. I sat on the bow of our 52 foot Gulf Star sailboat as it cut through the clear blue waters of the Caribbean. It was truly my favorite place to hang out when growing up on that sailboat. There wasn't a better place to let your mind free and get away from family in the tight quarters of our boat in which we called home.

The years spent on our boat were the leading cause of my skin cancer. Basil or Melanoma, my body has no predigest to which one, and it shows up whenever and wherever it wants. Not like my fellow cancer waiting roommates, I am thirty, sometimes forty years their junior. Skin cancer didn't wait on me, nor did it have any formal announcement, it just arrived.

Hearing the doctor say the C word, "you have cancer" doesn't get easier, it's less shocking, but the C word is becoming a nuisance and it’s not quite as easy as people say. "Skin cancer is no big deal, you just have it cut out and it's gone." I can't tell you how many dozen times I've heard that statement. If only they could walk in a skin cancer patients shoes, once! Not that I wish the C word on anyone, no way!

Reading and hearing stories of people battling cancer, makes my encounters with the big C seem like a walk in the park. I honestly couldn't imagine being so brave and so courageous. Through the throbbing of my ear, recovering from having a third hole punched out if it and reconstructive surgery ahead, I feel like a wimp, and can only sit feeling helpless as I pray for all cancer patients. Wishing I could be more like the brave people who are fighting a much bigger battle! However, no cancer is simply a "walk in the park" and no one should invalidate you.

Welcoming the rest, I sit feeling blood running into my inner ear and hoping for a fast recovery, and praying this will be my last encounter with the big C. Closing my eyes my mind drifts as I dream of the sun on my face and the breeze across my body. But this time I'm protected wearing sun screen, new fashionable sun protected clothing and a hat! 

Trying to Hold It In

Twenty two years of being a mom and I'm still trying to figure it out.

 Until you're a parent the word love is tossed around, used and even abused. The creation and the unborn child gives you a glimmer of a glimpse of the real meaning of love. However, when he or she enters the world and is placed in your arms is when you realize any use of the word "love" prior had no meaning in comparison.

 It's not hard to figure out that a parents love for their child is unconditional and unbelievably strong. So, when a new parent boast and brag about their child's firsts, it's easy to smile and reminisce about your own children's firsts. It's almost painful to keep your stories inside.

 Brag in front of your adult or teen children and be prepared for some backlash. You're proud of them and you want everyone to know their talents and successes. But somewhere is drawn a very fine invisible line. Each child has a unique set of unwritten rules and boundaries that a parent must honor. My best advice is know their boundaries and seriously honor them, and do your best to respect them.

 Special talents are especially hard for a parent to hold in. It's cute to brag about your new born or toddler, it's annoying if they are any older. You might as well be saying, "my kids better than your kid." my children are talented in different ways, even talents I'm discovering as they become adults, but I didn't realize my friends were thinking to themselves, "kill me before she says anything else about another one of her children." I now try to Hold It In!

 Learning to hold it in! Painful, was learning that friends, even my closest friends, secretly didn't want to hear of my children's accomplishments. Serenity Prayer pops in my mind and I truly put these meaningful words to use.

 God, grant me the serenity to accept 

The things I can not change, 

Courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 Accept the things I can not change ... I'm not willing to drop my friends for how they feel, I love them for who they are, I'm not going to change them. I know I can change by being more sensitive on what topics I bring to the table. This would help not only my friendships but my trust and relationships with my children.

 The most important lesson learned is respecting my children's privacy and their boundaries. This respect would limit, if not omit, simply talking about my children to others. Twenty two years as a mom and I'm still learning in baby steps.

 Every parent with multiple children know that each child has different traits, attitudes and personalities. Boundaries vary with every child, rules change with age and each child demands fairness and equality between siblings. As impossible as it sounds, a parent tries their very best.

 Living and learning, learning is living! I've accepted the things I can not change in others and in myself. I'm working on my courage to change the things I can, and wisdom comes with age and in time to know the difference. Abiding by my children's unwritten rules, and my friends unspoken wishes, I can only grow with learning to Hold It In.

 'Hold It In' has brought my friends closer, gained more trust in my kids and actually it has made my heart grow. I'm truly bursting with pride. Some things in life are worth the silence, it's taken me years to realize its significance and I know I'm still learning to Hold It In.