Escaping from Reality

Floating weightless with my limbs stretched out, the sun rests on my face softly and the wind rushes across my skin. Clouds drift along, reaching out I can feel the moisture as I drew my arm up towards the ceiling, waved my arm, swishing a cloud right from the sky. The sky was the brightest blue and the clouds could be mistaken for cotton candy. With a click of a switch, the day can turn to night, where I see all the constellations, and make wishes on non-existing falling stars. Lying across my soft down-filled bed, staring into the clouds trying to make out their magical animal shapes, leaving everything evil back on mother earth, I float, I fly away.

The warm gentle breeze came from the south grabbing my attention from the stars above. One more tap on the remote, stars begin to fade as dawn arrives. Seagulls singing praises coming from the beach side mural of my room. At the base of my castle to the shoreline is rare black sand where Sea Turtles nest and their babies are hatched. Waves crash onto the beach, dolphin's in the distance, seagulls flying and hovering, while scouting for food. In the far distance a sailboat that resembles a pirate ship. The ship that might come to shore one day, to rescue, or steal me away from what awaits for me outside these walls. Watching night turn to day my room comes to life. My feather bed sits upon a castle that rests in the center of the room. From my castle the Rocky Mountains line the walls to the north, with snow covering the tops of the highest mountains, with Aspen trees and huge pines spread across the way. Hidden amongst the landscape are the animals that occupy the land; black bear, Mountain Lions, Badgers, wolfs and so many more. Off to the East, my castle overlooks thousands of acres of beautiful fields of hay and corn. Rolling hills and white horse fences with huge fancy stables, where the best race horses live. To the south of my castle is the desert. Cactus, tumble weeds and desert critters roaming about. In the distance the great Grand Canyon rests along the edge. The castle is a little piece of heaven, just short of a fairytale. My fairytale only lives inside this room.


It’s still early. Dawn is breaking and the desert is still cool. Feeling the saddle between my thighs and the reins in my hands, as I rock smoothly along as my big bay horse strides though the sand kicking up dust. The Grand Canyon in the far distance, the cactus stand tall and appear to be waving, the sand paves the way. I place my reins in one hand, freeing the other to run my fingers through my horses beautiful black mane. Tall dark and handsome, he carries me towards the Grand Canyon. A Jack rabbit jumps out from behind a lone tumble weed and my steed glances but doesn't fault. Onward we travel. I slide my hat down my forehead and tie my bandanna tighter around my face to protect me from the sand and the sun. The heat starts to rise. A family of Dipodomys, Kangaroo rats, hop out hoping to see the trespassers and a slow moving tortoise raises his head, and nods us to pass. The sand beneath my horse’s hooves becomes harder, rockier as we reach our destination, the Grand Canyon. Inching closer to the edge I feel the rush of blood as it leaves my face and limbs, looking down miles and miles of Canyon wall. I find myself gripping my saddle horn with both hands and leaning away from the cliff. Incredible! Before, I could only imagine how this looked in real life. Not one book I read, or one story that I heard, not even the pictures I've seen from my parents vacation. Nothing could possibly describe this incredible sight. My eyes suddenly blur, I shut them, squeezing them tight, I blink hard, but nothing seems to help. Confusing voices and random noises are ringing in my ears. Weightlessness, spinning, falling, losing my reins I try grabbing my horses mane but nothing, then the saddle is gone. Waking, from what appears to be a dream, feeling the soft feather bed underneath me. What a beautiful, peaceful, journey I had. Stepping down from my castle steps and onto desert sand carpeting facing the mural I stood staring off in the distance. Finding the place at the edge of the Grand Canyon, the place I left the big bay horse. Hidden in the details of the mural, the painting on my wall, he is still standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, that big beautiful bay horse and he is waiting for my return.


Leaving my dream land of tortoises and cactus's, familiar voices return, louder they climb as if someone is turning up the volume dial on the radio. Placing my hands over my ears, closing out the words, I turned and entered my castle. As I push open the castle door and walk inside, as the lights automatically turn on. They shine in through the windows like beams of sunlight that softly touch the castles room making it sparkle. The red soft cushiony king and queen chairs were placed on the back wall inviting who ever enters. The castle walls were made of solid oak and book shelves built into each wall and they were filled with hundreds of the best classic books ever written. I grabbed a book and crawled into the king's chair, curled up, and started to read. Off I went, in a new world reading. I wasn’t fond of books before, well before. Watching television and playing Xbox, and Wii was a daily activity. Hanging out down stairs with the family was fun, we played, we talked, we ate dinner together and they even helped me with my homework. That was before, before my parents left me. I can hear them downstairs, their new voices, at least when they are awake. So, now I read and I dream. I dream of anything, anything other than my own life.

My senses where awaken me from my book. The faint sound of the ocean, waves softly rolling up onto the sand and the cries of seagulls in the distance drove my curiosity. Driving me from the castle I stepped out and onto the black rich sand. The sand engulfed my toes and the warm bright sun blinded me for a moment as my eyes adjusted and the sun danced on the ocean. The breeze whisked the hair from my face and cooled the sun’s rays. I walked closer to the shore line avoiding the water and sat down to fondle the shimmering black sand while staring off into the distance. The ocean looks endless. A dolphin jumps for a meal, or to shake a freeloading sucker shark from its side. Further out and to the west a large sailboat with all of its sails put to use. It’s sailing towards shore, as the sun begins to set. With another click of a button the sun begins to set. Another click of a button, the wind picks up and the ocean crashes against the shore louder. Birds are heard, palm fronds sway as the sun lowers. The most amazing time of the day is when the sun touches the ocean and slowly lowers itself out of sight and the last moment the sun is visible it flashes green. The flash is faster than a blink of an eye, as the sun says its farewell for the day.


I was nine years old when I first noticed. Nine years, seven months and fifteen days to be exact. The day I had to walk home from school alone, the day my parents forgot to pick me up. I will not talk of this day, the memory is unspeakable. How can anyone talk about their own parents forgetting you at school and then worse, forgetting you exist? Who can admit that their parents love a bottle of booze or a bottle of pills more than them? Just forget about it! They will forget the day, and I can go make myself something to eat and sneak back to my castle after the yelling subsides.


I’ve made a picnic lunch to enjoy out in the back yard. Smelling the fresh cut grass and watching the farmer roll his hay in the distance. Along the white horse fence, a mare and foal stand facing me. The foal throws his head and gallops in my direction and the mother whinny’s and calls for her foal. They gallop closer and ….

Another day … another story but today I can try and escape by means of imagination.



The Following is straight from a National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA). Really it’s just the tip of iceberg.


Parental substance abuse interrupts a child’s normal development, which places these youngsters at higher risk for emotional, physical and mental health problems. Because parents who abuse alcohol or other drugs are more likely to be involved with domestic violence, divorce, unemployment, mental illness and legal problems, their ability to parent effectively is severely compromised. There is a higher prevalence of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and suicide attempts among COAs than among their peers. In addition, COAs are 3-4 times more likely than others to become addicted to alcohol or other drugs themselves.

In homes where a parent is abusing substances, physical and sexual abuse of children is more likely. Sexual abuse is more frequent in chaotic and dysfunctional families where communication has broken down and roles have been blurred. Children who live in high conflict homes are more likely to have lower self-esteem and less internal locus of control. This puts COAs/COSAs at higher risk for being re-victimized in the future. For instance, female COAs are more likely to be involved with men who abuse substances, which leaves them open to even more abuse.


Even if the children themselves are not themselves victimized by family violence, simply witnessing violence can have emotionally destructive consequences. COAs are six times more likely to witness spousal abuse than are other children.

As a result of these stressors, COAs/COSAs often have difficulty in school. They may be unable to focus on their school work due to the conflicts and tensions at home. They are also more likely than their peers to have learning disabilities, be truant, repeat more grades, transfer schools and be expelled.

To Enter or Not to Enter?

To Enter, or Not to Enter?

In times where reality television and social media are abundant, restaurants and bars should be at their best at all times. Social media has changed the meaning of "word of mouth" and experiences can be shared at 4G speeds. The first observations, the decor, cleanliness can all be noted and shared. Good or bad service can be entered in the next tweet, foursquare or Facebook post and pictured in an instant on Instagram. Patron’s senses are awakened from reality shows such as Bar Rescue and Restaurant Impossible. This is leaving consumers with little tolerance for laziness, attentiveness and lack of proper service from any restaurant. Patrons eyes are wide open and they are connected. Restaurants can fail in a small town as fast as an app is opened, tweets are posted, Facebook statuses are updated and people skim reviews on Yelp! Dine or ditch? Instant reviews, made by everyday consumers, will persuade other’s to indulge or flee! You decide because it’s your time and money. We the people, the consumers, will do the advertising. It’s truly a restaurants fate at our fingertips.

The Music In Me

A seven year old might think when sticking their head out a car's window singing self composed songs into the wind that no one could hear them. One seven year old might be very very wrong! Adults could nurture this creativity, or smash it! Unfortunately for this little seven year old, the embarrassment her parents caused when they teased her at their destination caused her to stuff that creativity deep, deep inside.
 An art teacher told me once that my drawing wasn't any good because I didn't stay in the lines with my crayons. She didn't see that I had ignored the lines and drew my own picture. I didn't want to color the dolls sitting having tea, I wanted to draw a horse in a field of flowers. Then shortly after, my crayons were taken away. Those memories still infuriate me knowing my creative sparks were demolished at such a young age.
 Nurturing the artist within. I have tried my best to turn the reins free on artistic creativity for my three sons. Each of them have a creative gift, and if they make it their career or hobby is totally up to them. If I'm lucky, they share bits of their creative works with me and I treasure each of them. The next time a child shares their "gift" with you, remember to embrace it, don't snuff out their spark. What would have happened if Mozart's piano was taken away or Leonardo Da Vinci never painted? I believe art can change the world and make it a better place.
 I once heard, that music makes the world go around.

Within

Finding inner beauty can be one of the most difficult tasks. True, if one has been beaten down for years and recently a medical issue turn outside beauty into nightmarish freak show. The world has been turned inside out and upside down, and inner pain strikes far worse than the pain from medication slowly burning the cancer from my face and body. One day, not too long ago, I was told I had no idea how it felt to be disliked because of being voluptuous and alluring. My vocabulary slipped from my mind, words were lost and my flesh stung as if a hand thrust across my face and a fist jabbed deep into my gut. After eight surgeries removing skin cancer, I agreed with the specialists to begin a treatment that would bring out precancerous skin cells and destroy them before needing surgery. What we didn't expect, the precancerous skin cells would cover most of my face, down my neck and my chest. Flu like symptoms sometimes cause me to stay in bed, and most days the burning heat that rises from the affected areas seem unbearable. Makeup burns, exercise sweat is torture and sunlight rays dancing on my skin act as thousands of needles stomping on open wounds. Beauty from within is difficult to conger up when humans torture us with their words and actions. The lesson: remove those around you that make you feel unacceptable, inferior or substandard in any way. It's true that my outward beauty has disappeared temporary but my inner allure will prevail if I surround myself with loving people who can see me for who I am. I suggest you do the same. Learn from others, be kind to one another, and treat others how you wish to be treated. Find beauty from within!

A Magical & Universal Escape

At Hogwarts we followed Harry riding a Nimbus 2000 and drank frozen Butter beer while enjoying chocolate covered frogs. Rocked out with Jukebox The Ghost, and completely wowed by their performance standing at the edge of the stage. We went Soarin around northern California, traveled around the world on foot, flew to Mars, we worked in a car testing factory before we ate dinner in a fish tank. Two nights we ate with a Tigger and his friends in a crystal palace but the best dinner of all was at grandma and grandpas house, where the youngest whooped us at scrabble and the Magic put out the Heat. We played 36 holes of golf on a mouse's course, hunted for paint brushes with a rebel named Tom on his very own island, rode a big eared elephant and then flew with some kids to Never Land, traveled to space, saw progress, shot aliens, an alien belched in my face after he escaped from prison, we helped power a monster's planet, followed a rabbit off a mountain and got soaked, rode a train to see the new castles, found out a house was haunted and then got chased by a Yeti, and took pictures of a rhino sniffing my jeep in Africa. We met people from all over the world and even some from Rome; it's such a Small World after all! We witnessed 'a kiss' save a life and learned a blustery day can turn into a party. We went for some tea, and the super sized cups turned us green. I learned that kids of all ages will stand in lines to talk to a portal in a wall, and that no matter how long a line, families bond. We snuck back stage passes and a ride in Aerosmith's limo, our hotel was struck by lightning and our elevator dropped thirteen floors. We escaped Darth Vader, experienced 'the movies' and saw a pig sing. Witnessed a duck swipe a mouse's magical hat and get attacked by musical instruments. Watched fireworks from our room and under a huge castle and suddenly the adventures came to a halt. Reality was knocking at our door, but I hear characters calling our names for our next magical and universal escape. Listen carefully, I bet you can hear them too.

Dear Annie:

Dear Annie: Really confused on what to do right now. I have to figure out and make the biggest decision I've ever made. thanks - really confused

Dear Really Confused:

Look deep inside your heart and use every bit of your mind.

Big decisions are to be made in your life.

Talk to friends and family members, listen to everyone carefully.

Write out the pros and the cons for everything and weigh them honestly.

Take the time and listen to others, many others … several others.

It's your life, your decision.

Ask people who have "been there" and "did that."

Seek advice from those who have lived at least twice your life.

There is a reason for the saying, wise old owls.

No one wants you to fail.

Learn to pray, even attend a Church service.

Ultimately, it's your choice and you will have to live with it.

Not only today, tomorrow, but the years ahead.

Good luck. I will be praying for you.

~Annie

The Big C

Closing my eyes, I lifted my face into the warmth of the sun. The salty wind rushed over my bare skin. Skin covered only by my favorite two piece suit. I sat on the bow of our 52 foot Gulf Star sailboat as it cut through the clear blue waters of the Caribbean. It was truly my favorite place to hang out when growing up on that sailboat. There wasn't a better place to let your mind free and get away from family in the tight quarters of our boat in which we called home.

The years spent on our boat were the leading cause of my skin cancer. Basil or Melanoma, my body has no predigest to which one, and it shows up whenever and wherever it wants. Not like my fellow cancer waiting roommates, I am thirty, sometimes forty years their junior. Skin cancer didn't wait on me, nor did it have any formal announcement, it just arrived.

Hearing the doctor say the C word, "you have cancer" doesn't get easier, it's less shocking, but the C word is becoming a nuisance and it’s not quite as easy as people say. "Skin cancer is no big deal, you just have it cut out and it's gone." I can't tell you how many dozen times I've heard that statement. If only they could walk in a skin cancer patients shoes, once! Not that I wish the C word on anyone, no way!

Reading and hearing stories of people battling cancer, makes my encounters with the big C seem like a walk in the park. I honestly couldn't imagine being so brave and so courageous. Through the throbbing of my ear, recovering from having a third hole punched out if it and reconstructive surgery ahead, I feel like a wimp, and can only sit feeling helpless as I pray for all cancer patients. Wishing I could be more like the brave people who are fighting a much bigger battle! However, no cancer is simply a "walk in the park" and no one should invalidate you.

Welcoming the rest, I sit feeling blood running into my inner ear and hoping for a fast recovery, and praying this will be my last encounter with the big C. Closing my eyes my mind drifts as I dream of the sun on my face and the breeze across my body. But this time I'm protected wearing sun screen, new fashionable sun protected clothing and a hat! 

Trying to Hold It In

Twenty two years of being a mom and I'm still trying to figure it out.

 Until you're a parent the word love is tossed around, used and even abused. The creation and the unborn child gives you a glimmer of a glimpse of the real meaning of love. However, when he or she enters the world and is placed in your arms is when you realize any use of the word "love" prior had no meaning in comparison.

 It's not hard to figure out that a parents love for their child is unconditional and unbelievably strong. So, when a new parent boast and brag about their child's firsts, it's easy to smile and reminisce about your own children's firsts. It's almost painful to keep your stories inside.

 Brag in front of your adult or teen children and be prepared for some backlash. You're proud of them and you want everyone to know their talents and successes. But somewhere is drawn a very fine invisible line. Each child has a unique set of unwritten rules and boundaries that a parent must honor. My best advice is know their boundaries and seriously honor them, and do your best to respect them.

 Special talents are especially hard for a parent to hold in. It's cute to brag about your new born or toddler, it's annoying if they are any older. You might as well be saying, "my kids better than your kid." my children are talented in different ways, even talents I'm discovering as they become adults, but I didn't realize my friends were thinking to themselves, "kill me before she says anything else about another one of her children." I now try to Hold It In!

 Learning to hold it in! Painful, was learning that friends, even my closest friends, secretly didn't want to hear of my children's accomplishments. Serenity Prayer pops in my mind and I truly put these meaningful words to use.

 God, grant me the serenity to accept 

The things I can not change, 

Courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 Accept the things I can not change ... I'm not willing to drop my friends for how they feel, I love them for who they are, I'm not going to change them. I know I can change by being more sensitive on what topics I bring to the table. This would help not only my friendships but my trust and relationships with my children.

 The most important lesson learned is respecting my children's privacy and their boundaries. This respect would limit, if not omit, simply talking about my children to others. Twenty two years as a mom and I'm still learning in baby steps.

 Every parent with multiple children know that each child has different traits, attitudes and personalities. Boundaries vary with every child, rules change with age and each child demands fairness and equality between siblings. As impossible as it sounds, a parent tries their very best.

 Living and learning, learning is living! I've accepted the things I can not change in others and in myself. I'm working on my courage to change the things I can, and wisdom comes with age and in time to know the difference. Abiding by my children's unwritten rules, and my friends unspoken wishes, I can only grow with learning to Hold It In.

 'Hold It In' has brought my friends closer, gained more trust in my kids and actually it has made my heart grow. I'm truly bursting with pride. Some things in life are worth the silence, it's taken me years to realize its significance and I know I'm still learning to Hold It In.